


5 Times Amir Asked Jake To Dinner, And 1 Time Jake Asked Amir

by dandelionblizzard



Category: Jake and Amir
Genre: 5+1 Things, Bisexual Jake Hurwitz, Denial of Feelings, International Fanworks Day 2021, M/M, Timeline What Timeline, this is the characters not the people :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:14:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29407479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dandelionblizzard/pseuds/dandelionblizzard
Summary: a quick little 5+1 on valentine’s day for this starved fandom
Relationships: Amir Blumenfeld/Jake Hurwitz
Comments: 12
Kudos: 10





	5 Times Amir Asked Jake To Dinner, And 1 Time Jake Asked Amir

**Author's Note:**

> sorry dear subscribers, this is almost certainly not to your taste. however, i can do what i damn well please, and what i please is this (apparently).

Like the snap of two fingers, Jake suddenly became conscious of the fact that he was blocking out Amir. Just by realising that, he was rendered unable to keep it up any longer. Dick.

“Jake. Jake. Jake.”

“What?”

“Dinner tonight?”

“No.”

“Is 7:30 good for you?“

“I said no.” Jake could swear Amir had a hearing disorder, amongst _many_ others. Maybe it was just willful ignorance.

“How about 7:50?”

“No-“

“7:70?” Bad math.

“That’s not how clocks work; you mean 8:20.”

“So I’ll put you down for 8:20?” Amir gestured with his pen.

Jake sighed. His date for tonight had cancelled on him, but he was still wearing the jacket he bought exclusively for the occasion (not that he would ever admit that to anyone). Might as well get some use out of it before Amir found an identical one and he had to get rid of his in some back-alley dumpster.

“Fine.”

———

Jake was returning from the bathroom, a trip of great relaxation since, for once, Amir didn’t care to join him.

“Hey Jake. You’ll never guess what I’m doing right now.”

“Not working?”

“Correction: I am working, working very hard indeed.”

“On what?”

“See - I knew you’d never guess. I’m playing The Sims.” Aaaaand there it was.

“Oh yeah? I’m gonna get back to this script, okay?” he dismissed.

“Okay.” Amir’s eyes were glued to the screen. He was in a trance. Jake left Amir about a minute to break. When he didn’t, Jake spoke only out of curiosity, for she was a cat with sharp claws and a quick wit. That was what Amir had said when he somehow acquired a stray cat and named it Curiosity.

“Fine, you can tell me.”

Amir didn’t even look up. Whatever it was, it had to be cool as fuck to keep Amir’s eyes off Jake for any amount of time. Jake ducked around the desk to sneak a peek.

“Holy shit.”

“I know, right?” Amir finally craned his head back at Jake with that lopsided, desperate smile of his. On the screen, a _very_ generously muscular Jake was holding a somehow hairier and more gnome-like version of Amir. And they were kissing.

“What the fuck? Why would you do this?”

“I didn’t do anything! The game just does it on its own!”

“No it doesn’t. I know you have to put in the hours to get them to fu-“ Jake stopped himself, and took a measured breath. He hadn’t prepared any reasons why he would play The Sims, so it was safer to just move on - not let on that he knew the game inside and out; including all the DLC packs.

“Just delete the game,” begged Jake. And it was begging, however calm he tried to seem.

“I can’t! It’s hardwired into my computer, like that U2 album- what’s it called... Teenage Cream.” Amir snapped a finger gun to punctuate his finding.

“Disgusting. And not even close. Look, I’ll owe you one if you just delete the save. It’s so creepy.”

“I’ll do you even butter - you owe me dinner for _one_ _year_.”

“Nope.”

“One month?”

“No.” Jake was pushing his luck here. However dumb Amir seemed, he had successfully blackmailed him on multiple occasions before.

“Tonight?”

“Yes.” A great deal, considering, and probably the final offer. “Now delete it in front of me so I can see you do it.”

“Jakey, baby, don’t you trust me?”

He yelped, an incredulous “No!”

“Fine. Just let me see what ‘Woohoo’ means first.”

———

“Sup,” squeaked Amir.

“Sup,” Jake returned. Amir was arriving only about 3 hours late today. Practically on time.

“Jake, I was gonna rub-a-dub this night-a-club on 6th tonight. Wanna make like a seal and get clubbed with me...al?”

“Uh- I’m actually pretty tired. Was gonna get an early night.” It wasn’t a complete lie, which was good enough for now.

“I get it. Hit Jack in the sack.”

“That’s not-,” he paused, ”sure, whatever.” Jake would agree to almost anything to not have to have this outing tonight. He really wasn’t champing at the bit right now, unlike when Amir stole one off a horse and broke a few of his teeth on it.

“Cool. But real quick, you wanna get some D’s first?”

“No.”

“Please? It’ll fill you up before bed.”

“That’s the first coherent thing you’ve said today.”

“If you’re full, your hibernation will last the whole winter. That way you can score a better mate - mate to _mate_ with,” Amir said, voice implying that he said something playfully suggestive instead of... whatever that was.

“Jesus Christ. Look,” he put his hands up in surrender, “I’m just gonna go home now.”

“Jake-“

He stood up. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay Jak-ay,” Amir tried to say happily, but it trailed off into something empty.

Jake took a few strides away, but turned back out of some dark, subconscious question. Amir was giving him a look like a kicked puppy. That asshole. Jake almost regretted getting in the elevator and slamming his fist into the first floor button. Almost.

———

Jake strolled into the break room/kitchen, and sighed. “Hey, Amir.” _Great_.

“Hey. Hi. Wassup. Wazzaaaaaaapp!” he jabbered from his chair.

“You can’t even say hello normally.”

“I can do lots of things normally.”

“Like what?”

It took Amir a second, which sadly wasn’t a surprise. “Shitting.”

“You shit with the door open. That’s not normal.”

“It’s better than normal.”

“Actually it’s worse. Everyone in the office has seen your dick.” Amir looked down, but Jake continued. “That includes all the women here. Because you apparently can’t seem to figure out whether you’re the stick figure in pants or a skirt.”

“Well, sometimes I wear a skirt Jake! It’s confusing.”

“Every time you wear one you tell me it’s jeans.”

“They’re jeansss...ssskirts. Jean skirts.”

“Right. Sure.” Jake snatched a banana out of the fruit bowl and made to leave.

“Jake. Your jeans look amaze.”

Jake came to a stop, then turned around slowly. “Your skirt looks nice too,” he said quietly, with great reluctance. Just because he berated Amir on the daily didn’t mean he couldn’t be somewhat polite.

“They’re called jeans!” Amir lost momentum at the end of the sentence. “Sorro, did nay mean to do that again.”

“Bye.”

“See yous laters. Oh - dinner tonight?” he called after Jake.

Amir did look kind of nice in the skirt. Presentable enough to take somewhere that served wine. Jake could even swear he’d showered in the last few weeks. He checked the time - 4:00. There was still time to weasel out of it if he changed his mind... Jake turned back to the kitchen.

“Fine. Dinner.”

“McDonalds? Gotta get me somma them sweet nougats. Get in mah bellay-“

“We’re going to that Indian place on the corner.”

“Sure. Is it BYON?”

“What?”

“Bring your own-“

“Nuggets, no. No nuggets tonight. Just a normal dinner between friends.”

“Best friends?”

“Sure, best friends. Okay, see you later.” Later being about 2 minutes away, seeing as how they worked across from each other. Whatever. At least Jake would have an excuse to eat out for once. He hadn’t been on a date in ages- well, this wasn’t a date, but. Probably the closest he could get while having to babysit Amir every damn day. He sat down to eat his banana, and didn’t think about Amir’s legs in that skirt.

———

‘Jake. Jake. Jake,’ the screen read.

“What?” He peered over at Amir, who was wrapped in a crochet blanket like some sort of Russian grandmother.

‘Soupa sick. Sore throat so don’t want to damage it before t2night.’

“That’s a great idea.” Jake wouldn’t have to hear him yammering on all day long. Fantastic.

‘Ya. I know. So will you make me sum 41 tea?’ Amir shot Jake a hopeful look that sent a margarita mix of guilt and frustration to his stomach.

“You’re a big boy. Make your own tea.”

Amir began typing furiously with a furrowed brow. ‘You know I hate water!!!! And I got burned last thyme.’

“Yeah, I had to take you to the hospital. Also, it wasn’t water you were boiling. They said you had fourth-degree chemical burns, compounded on top of the third degree regular burns.” Jake didn’t even know that was possible, but of course Amir found a way. He always found a way to do the impossible. Including, getting Jake to hang out with him. Voluntarily, sometimes.

“Alright. I’ll make you some tea. Be right back.” He pushed up from the arms of his chair.

“Thanks, Jakey,” Amir said.

Jake snapped his head around. “What was that?”

‘Nothing.’ came up on the screen, and Amir bared his teeth in a dry smile, where his eyes didn’t seem to get the memo.

“Y’know what, why don’t you just go home, seeing as how you’re so sick?” Jake was calling his bluff. It was risky, since Amir might just admit he was lying and resume his usual yapping. On the other hand, there was a slim chance Jake could actually get some work done if Amir just left. Either way, he was not in the mood for these fucking games today.

‘If I go home now will you jeep your evening open?’

“What for?”

‘Dinner tonight?’

“No.”

‘Please,’ Amir emailed, with an embedded link to Never Gonna Give You Up.

“No,” louder this time. Maybe he could pound it into his head if he used enough force.

“Please!” Amir screeched.

“What about your throat?”

“What about it?!”

Jake sighed and walked away. Sometimes he just wanted to squish Amir’s face. Other times, he wanted to use his hands to paint it with a patchwork of colors. This was one of the latter. Jake was currently suffering from a short fuse, because his therapist had insinuated that his anger toward Amir might be indicative of something else. Bullshit.

In his need to be left alone for five goddamn minutes, Jake almost broke the close door button in the elevator, trying (and failing) to shut it before some wiry intern could join him.

———

Jake approached his desk with paperwork in hand.

“Hey babe.”

“So we’re doing this today,” Jake lamented under his breath.

“Did you get that email I sent you? Babe?”

“Not yet, I just sat down.”

“Read it.”

“I will. I just,” Jake gritted his teeth and gripped the chair for support. “I wanted to ask you something.”

“Sure. Fire away. Pew pew,” he said with finger guns.

“Would you like-“ he steeled himself before spitting it out quickly, “Would you like to go to dinner tonight?”

“Sure thing, bestie.”

“No, Amir. Not like besties. Like-“

“Like gullies?”

“Even more than gullies.”

“That’s not possible, Jake.”

“I think it is.” Amir clearly wasn’t getting it, so he added a “Babe,” to the end.

“Oh. I didn’t know you were gay.”

“I didn’t think you knew what gay meant.”

“I don’t! Ass.”

“It’s- Anyway, I’m not gay.” Jake shifted in his chair. “Just- my therapist suggested, maybe I’m not straight. Maybe I’m bi.” Like the therapist knew anything - she was the one making him ask out Amir. Well, she implied it. _Heavily_ implied it.

“Bi...lingual? Me too, look - אני לא יודע איך להפסיק אותך.”

“Bi _sexual_.”

“Bye, sexual. Cuz I’ve never had any sexual,” he lyricized.

“You’re thirty. How?” Amir shrugged in response. “Whatever. Do you wanna get dinner or not?”

“Can it be McDonalds?”

“No.”

Amir played with his hands for a second. “I’ll still go.”

“Good. So it’s a date.”

“It’s a date.”

Jake typed a few lines on his keyboard, then let out a slow breath through his nose.

“We can get McDonalds after; eat it at your place.”

“Wow - forward much? At least buy me dinner first!”

“I _am_ buying you dinner,” Jake said slowly.

“Oh yeah.”

Jake shook his head, but looked over at Amir, with his dark eyes, and dumb thick glasses, and stupid face; and smiled. Tonight was going to be nice. Fuck the therapist- this was all him. Jake asked out Amir. And then Jake was going to kiss him, **another man** , without _her_ telling him to do it. Fuck you.

**Author's Note:**

> it’s rare that i can end a fic with fuck you and it feels appropriate


End file.
